fitness?

 Do you wake up in the morning, wishing that your legs were as small as they were back in 2001? Do you want to freak me out? Do you believe everything bill rancic says on "America "Now"" (I used two quotes because, let's be real America now is always a year or more behind) If you answered “yes” to all three of these questions, then you’ll love this new trend that's going around in which men and woman are referring to as "the most beautiful thing ever".

It's called the inner thigh gap (itg). Besides the fact that it makes me cringe, freak out, cry, freak out again, yell at my Mom for giving me body issues, and then emotionally eat until I'm in a food coma. It's just not a good look for me, or you, your best friend, your boyfriend, your ex boyfriend, my boyfriend (Leonardo dicaprio) ex boyfriend (rob kardashian 2009) basically no one. 

http://youtu.be/vyvbm6qpQw4

So please take my advise and let's all just watch people magazines most beautiful woman Alive circa 2013 (and always) gwenyth Paltrow and Tracy Anderson's workout series on YouTube and forget the itg epidemic ever existed. And let's all aspire to be gwenyth. Because clearly she can do no wrong, except in shallow hall. That was not her best role and "thanks for sharing" wasn't great either but pink was her costar and was a super bad ass sex addict so can I really be mad? I can't.

A MESSAGE TO FARRAH ABRAHAM

Dear not so basic bitch,
Today i was watching a clip of the new season of couples therapy and you were sitting on some very chic couch somewhere in Beverly Hills looking directly at the camera and crying. Normally when i come across something like this, i do the following: screech inwardly with excitement, then save it on my desktop. I might eventually text it to someone i know with the text saying"LOL' or "This asshole." However, today's reaction was much different. I felt no joy at your expense. I actually felt sad. Did you hear that Farrah? Seeing you like this made me sad. So sad, in fact, that i teared up and now i feel the need to write about it in a blog.

When i first found out about your existence, it was on a new show called "16 and pregnant" and you were 8 months pregnant and still a size zero, needless to say I was intrigued. By the time you started looking at wedding rings for yourself with your boyfriend of three weeks on teen mom, I was hooked on you and your bat shit crazy behavior. Since then youve gotten a DUI, made a sex tape with James Deen (lindsey lohans costar in the canyons/ porn actor) gotten your boobs done twice, made a mold of your vagina while making the scariest face ever, wrote a book titled "My Teenage Dream Ended" with baby soph on the cover, got a nose job and dated a white dj.
Clearly I have sort of become obsessed with you over the years, but at the same time, i also cant stand you. There was a time when teen mom ended that you weren't on the radar anymore, and i'll speak for the whole entire world and say we all didnt care about your well-being. We all didn't want you to die necessarily, Just noone would care if you did. But it's as if you never left you're on my tv once again and in a darker place then when you called the cops on your mom for throwing an mtv t shirt at baby soph, so hopefully with all of this "therapy" you can find love and maybe just maybe, leave the show with a new job ie; nanny for all of John Goslings kids.

who am i, and when did i consider getting a blackberry

Lately I've been in a very dark place, my best friend is leaving for New York, I recently found out that they discontinued smashbox limitless color stain & lip balm in the color sangria and to make things worse my ex boyfriend who's a Wiccan put a hex on my phone (lie) but in my mind that's exactly what happened. The biggest sign that there was a spell cast upon it was that My mom likes to call me every three hours just to start a huge blowout over nothing "AMANDA" she will ask "HOW ON EARTH DID YOU SPEND  THIRTY TWO DOLLARS AT TACO BELL AT 3:47 IN THE MORNING??" Or my personal favorite "AMANDA ITS ME! I SAW ON YOUR FACESPACE OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT THAT YOU WENT OUT LAST WEEKEND. WHY DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO THOSE THINGS WITHOUT TELLING ME? WHAT IF YOU GOT HURT? ID HAVE NO IDEA! So when I went a whole entire day without getting verbally abused via voicemail from her I knew something was very wrong.
So I began investigating in how much a new iPhone would be and to my surprise that shit ain't cheap! So when I saw a touch screen blackberry I consulted with my friend seeing if she found it chic or not and she actually said yes they've really stepped up their game! But when I told her that I'm single now and I don't want to give guys the impression that I just don't care what year it is, I just want to be comfortable. And that's exactly what owning a blackberry says to me. She laughed as if what I was saying wasn't true, anyways I went to Verizon and luckily ended up getting an iPhone 4S (white) for way cheaper then I thought it would be and I have 2 missed calls from my mom right now so things are obviously getting back to normal now.